I went back to school today for A level results; it was probably the last time, at least at Prince Henry's. For me Results Day has always been an important occasion; not just as a celebration of the childrens' achievement but for the proof that I can actually teach. I've always enjoyed being there on the edge of their moments of glory; sharing their successes and commiserating with their disappointments. As always, today saw students ecstatic for exceeding their expectations but also those who were distraught because they hadn't done as well as they'd hoped. Alongside the army of expectant teachers sat the mountain of doughnuts piled high in the hall; providing food for consolation or celebration. This year it sat sadly forlorn, neglected by all. Maybe the added threat of obesity is too much of an additional pressure for today's students to face. After all, if they actually get to university then the media constantly warns them that they face five figure debts. It tells them that they may never be able to pay them off, as when they leave, there probably wont be any jobs anyway. It tells us that the nation's girth is growing. What a bright future they face! No wonder they can't face the food.
This time felt definitely different; I felt strangely disconnected as if I shouldn't actually have been there, as if I no longer belonged. Some members staff were friendly and pleased to talk; some totally ignored me as if I were invisible - already departed from their world. I was grateful that the students treated me normally - confirming that I wasn't a ghost after all. I was able to share in some of their euphoria or console their tears. This year there seemed to be more tears shed than ever before; not all for failure - some through fear. It made me think that there really is far too much pressure on students today, exam results seem to have become disproportionately important in the grand scheme of their lives. For some, the mere anticipation of success or failure caused an emotional meltdown even before they'd opened their terrifying brown envelope. Others managed a more pragmatic approach and dealt with their news with frighteningly worldly maturity. Do they grow up too fast these days? Is it any wonder when they have successfully jumped through so many hoops? When for some that still isn't enough? I certainly wouldn't want to be a teenager again.
I experienced a sense of closure today. As I walked to the car park, I no longer felt the need to turn around, rattle the doors and beg for my job back. Yes I'll miss days like today but I have begun to move on; the transitional period of the summer holidays enabling me to ease myself into my new life. I won't be able to go back for GCSE results as I'm off to Blair with Bow. Whilst I would like to congratulate the children upon their achievements, I am content to do so from a distance. I feel a sense of relief that I've cut the cord; I can survive outside. I no longer feel like I am clinging on to the past; it is time to embrace the future.
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